Thursday, June 25, 2009

New Transformers Movie: This is Not a Drill

Heh. I just realized that "this is not a drill" could be a sleazy Transformer pickup line, if Michael Bay had ever decided to make some of them sexy. Instead he went with offensively, stereotypically ghetto.

I jotted down some thoughts during this thing. I would do a proper review, but I am strapped for time and am in no hurry to relive it anyway. So I thought I would just share my notes.

  • Opens w/ dialog. Who are they kidding?
  • Hasbro owns GMC?
  • Oh god no.
  • Dog fucking != funny.
  • Deceptichuckies!
  • Bay has never known love. Or black people.
  • THIS! IS! HASBRO!
  • America > World
  • SHIA DID NOT GO TO HARVARD
  • BayU girls are sluts
  • Volvo = Evil robots
  • WTF? Are we on Saturn?
  • Astronomy class = hotty central
  • This audience is easily amused
  • Oh good. Fighting.
  • Metal punching metal in slo-mo. Rapture.
  • I think one of them died. Bad?
  • "Energon"? Are they shitting me?
  • MIME BOT!
  • That's real Turturro ass.
  • I am so lost.
  • Is it always sunny everywhere at once?
  • Thank god for Unhelpful Expositioning Gandalf bot.
  • Optimus Prime = Tinker Bell
  • MORE RUNNING! YAY!
  • Catch flies w/ honey, Megatron.
  • Megan = lousy human shield. Need Kevlar, not silicone.
  • Megan has Resurrection Boobs.
  • It's Optimus Prime the White!
  • I wish I was still lost.
  • Optimus Prime did NOT just say "let's roll."
  • I am deeply offended/gassy.
  • The audience envies the dead.
I know, sort of silly review. But not as silly as a smack-talking truck dying for our sins.

2 comments:

Nicole said...

"Astronomy class = hotty central"

well of course! Not like we're in it for the money and fame. :-)

The Man Version said...

That explains the "based on a true story" tag. I thought it was sarcasm :)