Friday, February 13, 2009

Ultrasound and the Fury

Sorry for the title. Couldn't think of anything.

I picked up my ultrasound report! I don't mind admitting that I was a little nervous about it. I knew it was going to say something like "it is unclear how the thyroid mass was spotted amidst the twisted striations of late-term throat cancer being held in check by a radiation-proof strain of lymphoma." But this is what it actually said:

(I'm going to skip the upper 3/4ths, which is mostly what's known as "doctor crap." I'll jump to the bottom where someone has put things into something similar to English.)

1. Abnormal 3.7 cm node in the left upper/mid cervical region. Node demonstrates abnormal abnormal inferior appearance with eccentric thickening of the Inferior cortex. This may just be a reactive lymph node but suggest cytologic evaluation of the node.
2. No other adenopathy in the neck demonstrated.
3. Mass in the left lobe of the thyroid gland.

I wonder if I'm voiding my rights under the Privacy Act by telling you guys this?

Anyhow, I know what you're thinking: "Cervical region? *Snort*" I thought the same thing. But I looked it up, and the cervical region is the neck, not the cervix. If that's the most confusing thing you encounter about medicine, you are fortunate.

But don't you wonder how many women have had some major surgeries in very private areas when they really just needed a thyroidectomy? I suggest following the
Scrubs example and rechristening the entire region covered by bikini bottoms as either the "bajingo" or "hoo haa." As in "I can't ride my bike for the next couple of weeks because I just had surgery in the lower bajingal area."

Back to the ultrasound report.

Basically, they found one funky lymph node and
D'oh! can't even say for sure that it's a problem. Still no Smoking Cancer Gun.

While driving back, Dr. Beasley (the kindly, helpful Doctor #3 from my original post) called me since he'd been looking at a copy of the report. He basically said for me to continue on with the surgical consult on Tuesday, and then call him back to let him know if/when surgery is scheduled, and he'll take over after that.

So. All things considered, this is probably the best I could hope for out of an ultrasound. Things still positive, and still managing to keep the
OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT IT'S CANCER side of my brain under control.

More on this after Tuesday. If I get the time, I'll write up my jury duty experience to kill time until then.


mjk333 said...

Why did they need to call it abnormal twice? And inferior appearance of the inferior cortex? Are they trying to give it a complex and make it go away out of embarrassment?

Good luck with the surgeon being tolerable! :)

The Man Version said...

I think "abnormal" is a go-to word in the medical realm. Shorthand for "doesn't look like my anatomy book, but I have no idea WTF it is" :) Better than a litany of things it could be, which would just be depressing...


alex45 said...

Ultrasonography is an ultrasound-based diagnostic imaging technique used to visualize subcutaneous body structures including tendons, muscles, joints, vessels and internal organs for possible pathology or lesions. Obstetric sonography is commonly used during pregnancy and is widely recognized by the public. There is a plethora of diagnostic and therapeutic applications practiced in medicine.